Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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