Who wears a wallet chain?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
