I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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