Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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