You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
