i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
