My room smells like vodka and shame
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
