I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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