3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
