do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize