just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
