Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
