I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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