I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
