You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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