i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My vagina is very pro this idea
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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