I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
