you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think your dad took our porno
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
