I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
