even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
