I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
