i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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