Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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