Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
