If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Randomize
