so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You're like the curious george of whores
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
