At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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