So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
