Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
