sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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