I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
