i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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