Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
