Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize