so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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