the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
