you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
