Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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