I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
