look no pants
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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