party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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