I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize