what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
