hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
