Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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