you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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