I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
