If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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