she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
