he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
