Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
