you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
