i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
