I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
