my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
