Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
