oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
