talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
