I wish my penis had an off switch
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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