I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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