And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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