The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
