the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize