you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
