billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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