Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize