Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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