:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize