i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
