The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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