i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
