Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
