I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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