well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They took my balls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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