I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
