Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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