We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
