Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
