Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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