Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
