I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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