there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
