I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need moral support for this bender
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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