Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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