Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
