Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
