Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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