at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize