Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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