I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
where are you?
Hypothermia
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
