Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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