Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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