Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize