I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
