I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
