do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize