i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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