Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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