I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize