So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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