last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
