found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
