woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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