I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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