coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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