Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
