My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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