people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
