I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
