The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
